Month: February 2014

To dress for death

I’m trying on clothes for my Abuela’s funeral.  I never imagined this day coming.  Though she died at 92 I was always too afraid to think about it.  Now I’m trying on clothes from my closet, asking myself  “fWhat would she like to see me in“?  I avoid black.  She hated black and what it symbolizes.  Abuela wouldn’t want us to be sad no te pongas trieste chica. Ya estoy con Dios .

But I am sad.

I’ll probably get cold at the funeral. I shiver when I cry.  I settle on a long sleeve blouse- with a black bowed ribbon around my color.  A symbol of the sadness I carry.

My Abuela loved lace.  Every time I saw her she’d compliment my wedding gown. Pero oye, que bonita la falda.

As I remember, I mouth the words to myself.  Hearing the Spanish sends a pang through my heart.  Who will teach me Spanish now?

Funerals usually have flowers. She loved flowers.  On walks she’d be enamored by the tiniest flower popping off some high desert week. Give me the flowers when I’m alive- don’t waste them on the grave.

I wear a  cream lace top- decorated in rose flowers.  I add a dark grey skirt to match.

I bend down, roll my pantyhose on. The silk stockings are spotted with water,  I feel my wet checks.  When did I start crying?

I put on pearl earrings.

 Giving myself a once over in the mirror, I see myself as I never wanted: Dressed for my grandma’s funeral. 

Will she see us from beyond?  Can she see me now? The moment is too hard.  It’s too real.  

Take it away.

I place on my heals with care- knowing its the last thing I will ever do for her.



Placing too muc…

Placing too much emphasis on a yes/no diagnosis, meaning you either have a disease or you don’t, can lead even the most well-meaning physicians to miss underlying causes and early warning signs of illness.

Mark Hyman

The past two years I’ve had constant heartburn, frequent intestinal cramping and pain in my stomach.

The past three years I visited my general physician for frequent sinus infections, skin rashes and tiredness, weight gain.  My physicians all had good intentions.  My general physician was quick to diagnosis the symptoms: sinus infection, minor skin rash, low thyroid, GERD.

My gastroenterologist diagnosis mild chronic gastritis, lactose intolerance and put me on a strict diet: no tomatoes, citrus, broccoli, dairy, beans, tea, coffee, anything with a moderate to large fat content (including peanut butter), chocolate.  Though I was eating little, and weighed 133, I gained weight.

But these weren’t diagnosis, they were early warning signs of an illness.

It was my chiropractor and dermatologist who saw my diagnosis as symptoms of an underlying problem.  Both (with in a month of each other) diagnosed me as Gluten Sensitive.

I’ve been off Gluten for 2 weeks, and returned to eating most other foods.  Each day I was off the gluten my heartburn lessened.  After 2 weeks I’m off the heartburn medication completely and feel even less heartburn than when on the meds! I still have skin rashes, but I’m happy with the progress.

Sinus infections, my skin rashes, digestion difficulties and autoimmune thyroid are all items that can be caused when a gluten intolerant person eats gluten.

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